Heavy Heart turned Hopeful

Warning...this blog contains very sad events

It has been a hard week :( I try to be happy and positive, but this week has been a heavy one. To make matters worse Tim has been gone to Atlanta all week and I have really missed him. The good news is he does get home tonight :).

My week started out with a meeting with a member of our Stake Presidency who had served his mission in Haiti. My heart has been turned to the devastation and destruction of that country. Our meeting was meant to be a fifteen minutes with the Stake Primary Presidency that turned into a two hour conversation on Haiti.

On Monday, I went to lunch with a dear friend of mine, Sharon Butterfield. I have known Sharon since high school, and I have always admired and looked up to her. She has always been a true friend to me. On December 19th, Sharon's twenty-two year old son Jordan committed suicide. It was a complete and total shock!! I didn't even know he had died until January 9th. Sharon sent me an e-mail of her husbands talk at Jordan's funeral. I quickly called Sharon to express my sympathy, but for whatever reason I could not bring myself to ask her how he died. It just didn't feel right over the phone. I had assumed it was a car accident since I knew his girlfriend had died the same day. We set up a time for lunch and so Monday we meet for lunch. My heart just broke as I listened to my dear friend talk about the circumstances surrounding Jordan's death. To make matters worse, Jordan's girlfriend Missy, found Jordan and committed suicide too. Missy's mom found both Jordan and Missy dead. Two beautiful healthy people making such a tragic choice. I have lost many hours of sleep over this sad event.

Then if that wasn't enough for one week, a forty-four year old man in the ward next to ours was playing basketball on Wed. night and he dropped dead during the game. The paramedics came, and tried to revive him for over twenty minutes, with no success. He leaves behind a beautiful wife and three beautiful children. Their oldest child is fourteen years old and is severely handicapped and too heavy for her mom to lift. Our community is mourning the loss of this man.

Last night I came home from a church meeting. Because of the time zone and our schedules Tim and I hadn't been able to talk. All I wanted to do was to hold him and never let go. I was very grateful Megan was at home and I was able to give her a big hug and talk to her. I was also grateful to know that Adam, Melissa and Hannah were all safe at home in Vegas and had each other to cling too. But I still had a BIG black cloud following me. I was feeling very anxious about not having all my family home with me. At 10:00 p.m. I e-mail the mission home and asked them to reassure me that Sean was safe and all was well. I did not want to have to wait until Sunday night to know he was safe. This is the first time I have done something like this. I told them and I am telling you, I don't want Sean to know I did this because I don't want to worry him because I know he would be concerned about me. I knew it was a moment of temporary insanity, but I just needed that comfort. At midnight I woke up to check my e-mail and thankfully I had received an e-mail from Sister Poulton (the mission President's wife) reassuring me that all was well with Elder Marsden and she described him as a "magnificent Elder who is engaged in the work and performing his duties wonderfully."

When I climb back into bed the words from John 14:27 came to my mind. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

My friend Sharon told me that two weeks after Jordan died she did a sharing time in Primary( Sharon is currently the Primary President in her ward). She sat in front of the children with a blanket wrapped around her. She told the children that she felt as though she was being wrapped in the love of the Savior. She said all of the children were silent and listened carefully to what she had to say.

So, amidst the difficult week I have had, I have thought a great deal of the importance of turning and trusting in the Lord no matter what happens to us. When we turn to the Lord we CAN find peace, joy and happiness.

I love all of you and I am grateful for all of you. We must all remember and never forget...
"that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. Helaman 5:12.