VAMPIRES SUCK: a blog by Megan

Over the years, Literature has had a huge impact on the American Tradition. From Margaret Mitchell's 'Scarlett O'Hara' to Louisa May Alcott's 'Jo March', women have looked up to these strong female characters. Now, in the twenty first century, mothers wonder "Who can my daughter look to for a role model in books these days?!" Well, have no fear ladies. Bella Swan is here. There's nothing more heroic than droning on for pages and pages about Edward's "shimmering stony chest" or how she is "completely and utterly, totally and magnificently, wholly, IRREVOCABLY in love with him!" Now, I'm not saying we can't enjoy a little bit of romance now and again, but how romantic is it really? From what I understand (and yes, I have read all four books), is that Bella fell in love with Edward for his irresistible looks, and Edward simply thought Bella smelled tasty. Hmmm......that's...cute? Then again, I guess, Edward DOES sparkle! I forgot about that manly characteristic of his. It's a wonder to me that Stephenie Meyer could write four whole books on all of this. I mean, I guess all those fancy adjectives and descriptions of shallow attributes WOULD take up a lot of space, and she had to fit in the actual storyline. Personally this is what I would have preferred. "Once upon a time there was a clumsy girl who smelled good named Bella. She moved in with her dad, and met a hot guy she fell irrevocably in love with in a short amount of time. Later on she found out he was a vampire, and barely escaped death by his evil nemesis. He left her for awhile so she could be "safe", but his plan failed seeing as she tried committing suicide without him. They were later married after she escaped the "Vulturi", the most evil vamps, and Victoria, whom had tried seeking revenge for her lover after Edward had killed him. They were married, had a child who tried to destroy Bella from the inside, and whom was the victim of a pedophile by Bella's best friend/werewolf Jacob. After pages and pages of plan for attack, they gained victory on the Vulturi with no major character deaths, and with really no emotional impact on the reader of the series. THE END" Okay, so I exaggerated a bit, but I really think this sums up the entire series, give or take a few stony chests. I guess the part about Edward being a vampire was a big shocker, especially when Meyer plastered "First Edward was a vampire" on the back cover of the book. Go Figure. And last but CERTAINLY not least, is Edward really that great? He may be good looking (and don't forget that stony chest!) but he's one hundred and eight and hasn't had ANY relationships. You'd think he'd at least have dated a few girls before finding his true "soul" mate. Or do vampires have souls? I mean, it's pretty obvious he has no personality. I think us girls need to give the guys a break. Do we really want our perfect Edward? Pale, pale white, copper eyes that turn red when their hungry, sparkling in the sun and that 'crooked' smile? I'd rather take Aunt Lilian's advice and dream of David Beckham.;) Now, don't take offense to this post. Yes, I know it's a popular series and Stephenie Meyer made a lot of money from millions of fans. I mean, I admit, I HAVE read them. (although I do not own any) But next time you pick it up for a bit of light reading, remember, you are about to venture into a creepy, and poorly written version of a thirteen year old girls Diary. :)